Homeschool Control Freaks

Every caring parent has an element of a control freak inside that wants to make sure everything is perfect for their child. We have to admit it. It’s in us.

Arun over at the parenting pit gives good, concrete advice on how to curb our inner control freak, and become even better parents.

On a scale of one to ten, here’s how I fare. What about you?

1.  Don’t watch. 5 out of 10. I have a hard time turning away when I see danger afoot. Or when I see them heading towards disaster of one kind or another. I have been working on this one. What helps me is when there are other adults around, especially dad. This allows me to defer the situation to them. If they aren’t freaking out, I ask myself if I’m overreacting. When I’m alone, I ask, “What would my hubby do?” It helps give me perspective.

2. Build your own sandcastle. 9 out of 10. This is one of my favorite ways to teach and relate to other people. Once in a while I get the “let me do that for you” urge. But generally, I’m pretty good at this one.

3. Ask questions. 9 out of 10. I like this approach too. Asking questions is a great way to get the conversation going, to get to know my kids, and to give them a chance to shine. And, I think the kind of questions we ask indicate clearly what our intentions are.

4. It’s about you. 7 out of 10. I intellectually know that what bugs me is 99% about my own issues. I need more time to meditate, that’s for sure.

5. Get perspective. 8 out of 10. I forget sometimes that my kids are only kids. When they act like kids, and I catch myself with absurdly high expectations, I joke with myself and say, “Why do you have to act so much like a 7 year old?” They laugh with me and say, “mom! I AM 7!” Helps me get perspective.

6. Take the cape off. 5 out of 10. Being the perfectionist that I am, it’s hard to admit when I’m not being a perfect mom and model for my kids. Gah. Will I ever grow up?

7. Embrace learning. 8 out of 10. Failure is very important. I’m just now realizing this in the past couple of years or so of my life. I’m starting to look forward to failure, rather than fear it. It takes practice.

8. Enjoy the ride. 9 out of 10. This is why we decided to homeschool in the beginning.

9. Displacement. 8 out of 10. I’ve done this many, many times. Not just with my kids, but with hubby too. Hee hee. Boy, when I’m frustrated, the dresser and closet sure to get organized!

10. Parent like thereis no tomorrow. 9 out of 10. In Zen practice, there is only now. Tomorrow is no guarantee. “Live like there’s no tomorrow, learn like you’ll live forever.” I’ll also add to this, and say that I also try to see every day as a fresh new start. This is called “Beginner’s mind” in Zen buddhism. Although, sometimes, when the kids have asked me the same question 100 times, it’s hard to bring myself back into my beginner’s mind 100 times. I’m only human. (That goes back to number 6.)

Letting go – it’s a life-long project, isn’t it?


5 Responses to “Homeschool Control Freaks”

  1. arun Says:

    im glad you found my list useful tammy.

    Wow, those scores are pretty high. I definitely have my better days but feel very much like a “work in progress” on all of this.

  2. Tammy Takahashi Says:

    That space between 9 and 10 is infinite. 🙂 Also, you caught me on a good day.

    Arun, I’m sure your scores are much higher than mine. Give yourself credit where credit’s due!

  3. Valerie Says:

    This is timely for me as well. I have been having a terrible time with my gifted 7 year old… I think I will post my own list and make sure I am doing a few of those things more often (namely, the “Build your Own Sandcastle”, and “Get Perspective”…. few, those are SO my issues!)

    Have a great day and thank you again.


  4. Home School Says:

    This is a great test to see how open to suggestion you are. I think any good educator realizes that they have as much to learn from their students as their students do from them.

  5. AlwaysHungry Says:

    Wow, needed to read this. Thanks for sharing all that you do

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