The 5 Love Languages of Homeschooled Children

According to Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, authors of The Five Love Languages of Children, speaking the right love language helps our children grow into responsible, happy adults.

I read this book a couple of weeks ago. I haven’t read the original 5 Love Languages, yet. So the concept, although I had heard of it before, was relatively new to me.

These are the five love languages. Which ones do your children respond to? What about you?

#1 Physical Touch: Hugs, kisses, rough housing, pats on the back, hair ruffle, these are all different ways to love through physical touch. My kids get a hug and a kiss every morning, and one every night. We’re all physical in this family. That isn’t too hard to make sure we get enough of. But our littlest one, this is by far her favorite love language. Hubby likes this one too.

#2 Words of Affirmation: Saying, “I love you”, (appropriate) praise, acknowledgment, personal notes, telling other people that we like them, there are many ways to use words to show our love. My middle child is the one who, out of the 5 of us, particularly appreciates this kind of love.

#3 Quality Time: Doing things together, helping kids with their projects, having conversations, going out one on one, being together with the people we love is invigorating to some, and suffocating to others. For those who prefer this love language, being together feels really good. This is my primary love language.

#4 Gifts: This is the love language that is the easiest to offer, but the hardest to show our true sincerity. It’s easy to use a gift as a replacement for real showing of love. But done right, with a person who speaks this language, it can mean a lot. This is my mom’s and my mother-in-law’s primary language.

#5 Acts of Service: Helping with the dishes, doing a chore so that our loved one doesn’t have to, making our loved one’s lives easier by going out of our way, this is the love language called “acts of service.” I think this kind of showing of love is more natural for women than for men. What do you think?

Chapman and Campbell assure us that most of us speak all 5 languages. And our children deserve to be loved in all 5 different ways. It’s also normal for kids, and adults, to shift their languages, and come to prefer a different language than they used to. So it’s important to keep using all 5 languages regularly, while keeping in mind which ones the people we love prefer. That way, when they don’t respond to us, it’s not a rejection of us, we just know that we aren’t speaking their language.

What do you think of the 5 love languages? Do you think homeschooling effects the way we speak love to each other?

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3 Responses to “The 5 Love Languages of Homeschooled Children”

  1. Heather Young Says:

    Years ago I read this and the original book. My husband and I spent time discussing it and it changed our understanding of each other and why we each often felt unloved. (He is an encouragement/physical touch sort and I am a do things for me and spend time with me sort. ) It has changed the way we think about our children–oldest is a words and time person, middle is a touch and service and youngest is a touch and time person. We often talk about how full our love buckets are and how to better fill each other up (especially since I need my physical space and hubby needs lots of alone time.) Home schooling has certainly allowed us to better show our love for one another and account for each individuals personalities.

  2. momlovesbeingathome Says:

    I’ve read both this book and the original as well – both are great books!!

  3. Sheri Says:

    In all honesty Tammy, I think books likes this are a crock. In true Canadian style, I also humbly apologize for my opinion.

    But seriously, do parents really need a book to tell them that kids benefit from positive physical and emotional interaction?

    Should we be making parent’s jobs harder (and giving our kids even further excuse to blame us for what’s wrong with their lives – “You never spoke my love language!”) by complicating a simple thing like intuitively knowing when your kid needs a hug, or some special time, or maybe even little present?

    Books like this, imo, make money for the author(s) and mislead parents who are already afraid to parent in their own right because of what society might think about their choices.

    There’s no way every situation with your child can be solved by speaking “love language”…sometimes only English (or their native tongue) will work.

    For example (and it’s just one of the many I could cite from experience):

    Me (to my 12 year old son who threw as many of his books, toys, CD’s and clothes around as he could manage in a fit of pubescent rage – I had the gall to ground him for not doing his chores before he took off with his friends and for coming home an hour late):

    “You do that again and I’ll take everything you own out of this room and you can sit there staring at four bare walls!”

    How would that translate into “love language” exactly?

    I thought that putting up with him was sign enough that I love him.


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