5 Incredible and Unique Benefits of Homeschooling

This list of 54 Unique Benefit of Homeschooling is going around our homeschool lists. I think in this case “unique” means “different than the other things on the list”. As I was reading it, I came up with some “unique” benefits that are “different than what most people see on lists of why it’s good to homeschool.”

5 Incredible and Unique Benefits of Homeschooling

1. Freedom to enjoy the process. Pressure is everywhere to be smarter, faster, earn more money, get independent, grow up, win, win, win. There is a perpetual push to strive for what we’re going to have tomorrow, and the sooner the better, because it’s tomorrow that will finally bring us happiness. That is total and complete baloney on Wonder bread. Homeschoolers can discover the joy that comes from not being in a huge rush to attain a goal, and be comfortable in the process. Life is a process. Getting the goal isn’t the good part, it’s the experience of working towards it that is exhilarating.

2. Freedom to fail. Homeschoolers can fail over and over without the stress of having to report those failures to a assessor. Real learning comes from having the freedom to fail, then getting back up to try again. And many times, these failures need to happen at our own pace, without the constant scrutiny of an expert, or someone more experiences. Our schools abhore failure. There is no time to fail. If a child fails once, that puts him behind. Where is there time to really learn if a child doesn’t have the room to fail over and over? Homeschooling gives children the freedom (and the parents too), to take their time to fail. And not to define themselves by these failures, but to see them as steps towards growth and understanding. When a child is considered “smart” because she never fails, I challenge you to look close at the child’s behavior and see how often she’s willing to take real risks. Homeschoolers don’t have to be in a rush to win, so they can risk all they want, and be free to fail all they want. Homeschoolers never fall behind when there is no push to constantly be successful.

3. Freedom to be comfortable. Homeschoolers can work where they want, when they want, in the clothes they want, with the tools they want, with the people they want. They can eat, sleep, talk, read, write, draw, listen to music, and watch TV when they want. They can wear make up or not. They can dye their hair any color, go barefoot, wear T-shirts that say whatever they want. Basically, being a homeschooler means freedom to be physically and psychologically comfortable.

4. Learning to be personally accountable. One of the reasons school is such an appealing prospect, is that when we send our children to traditional school, we give up a huge part of our own personal accountability. We are giving the responsibility to the teachers to impart their wisdom on our children, giving the teachers the responsibility to know what they need to learn, and giving teachers the role of having to be accountable if something doesn’t work. That’s what the schools want us to do, and parents are happy to do this. It is liberating. Unfortunately, the kids learn to do this too. They give up their own personal accountability because school is all about what is assigned to them. Just as parents give up their role as directors of their children’s education, children give up their role as directors of their own education. The children who make an effort to stay in control of their own learning are considered rebels and trouble makers. Homeschool children have the opportunity, if so given by the parents, to learn to be personally accountable for their own lives and learning. The more practice that have with this as they grow up, the more likely they are going to be personally accountable and responsible adults. And that’s not to mean that they will be good little workers, like our society wants our school children to be. It means that these children don’t wait to be told what to think or to learn. They take initiative to learn what they need to because they have learned that nobody is going to hand their lives to them on a plate. They can serve themselves. This is not an innate benefit of homeschooling. This is an opportunity that homeschoolers can choose to have.

5. Learning how to deal with emotions. How many of us have memories of being humiliated, embarrassed, angry, helpless, stressed, or lonely during school? It’s a common myth that homeschooling is supposed to keep kids from feeling these things. Or that it’s to protect them from all the bad that comes with childhood. Homeschooled children feel the same emotions during their childhood. They have similar experiences arguing with friends, being disappointed, being upset, humiliated, and all these things. The difference is that kids in school have to learn to deal with these emotions by huddling together with other kids their own age, who have no idea either how to deal with them. It’s the lucky few who have adults in their lives who they can confide in totally, and learn to deal with those emotions on a regular basis. Homeschooling offers that. It is normal state of affairs that if a homeschool child has a strong emotion, they head straight for an adult for help. The adult, who, in most cases, has a much stronger grasp on emotions, can help them deal with them. Homeschooling offers the opportunity for children to fully feel these emotions often. Emotions are tough to learn to deal with for any child. It’s part of maturing. Just as adults who have trouble dealing with their own emotions can’t learn from unstable friends, kids can’t learn from other kids how to be mature. Kids and adults learn from those who are more evolved, compassionate, in control of themselves, and have learned from their experiences. Homeschooled kids have access to that kind of emotional strength on a 24/7 basis. And because of that, they have the opportunity to learn to deal with their emotions in a gradual way, by fully experiencing them, and then having a safe place to recover from them.

Can you think of anything to add? Have you seen any benefits that don’t get talked about much?

Chelsea Link, 18, Homeschooled, Accepted to Yale, Harvard, Princeton, Columbia, Stanford, U of Chicago, and Northwestern

Chelsea Link says this about her extraordinary, yet relaxed, life: “I think I’ve had a pretty normal high school experience . . . just without the high school.”

Another interesting quote by Christopher Watson, admissions dean at Northwestern, “We haven’t changed the way we review applications, but the way home-schoolers are submitting applications has changed,” he said. “They’ve become very good at taking out the question marks.”

Perhaps it’s a combination of the two? Northwestern may not have changed it’s admissions process, but other universities have.

Congratulations Chelsea! Reading science magazines and playing music is a fine way to go through childhood.

Perfect Homeschooling, Curriculum Choice, and Regretting Decisions

A new homeschooling mom on our local list had some questions about tutors, curriculum, and generally freaking out because she can’t figure out the perfect way to get started because she’s afraid of regretting her decisions

I responded to her, and I thought I’d pass this along for those of you who are struggling with fear, regret, perfectionism, or self-doubt. Or, if you are interested in being a stronger, more resilient homeschooler, this post might interest you.

Dear “Alysa”,
I have been reading this thread with interest. After your last email, I thought of some things that might relate to your situation:

1) There is no way to make everything perfect. Letting go of that expectation now will go a long way in making life as a homeschooler, and as a parent, less stressful. Also, expecting things to be perfect is a great excuse for not taking any risks and avoiding responsibility. Own your decisions by knowing that every choice has a risk. Even choosing public school.

2) I understand about the idea about not wanting to regret your choices. The best way to not regret your choices is to understand two things: 1) That you ALWAYS have the option to change course. When you make a bad choice (and you will eventually, we all do), it’s not about the result of that choice that makes us who we are, but whether or not we have the resilience to stand up, dust off the dirt, learn from what we did, and move forward. If you know that you can recover from any choice, then making choices is easier, and more empowering. You’re also more likely to make good choices, because they will be made based on your integrity and love of life, not from fear. 2) You can’t possibly know whether a choice is going to be a good one or not until you’ve made it. Doing research is important. And listening to others’ with experience is also important. But in the end, the choice you make is yours to own. Even if other people might wag their finger at you and say “I told you so,” sometimes we have to make certain choices to really understand where to go next. Listen, absorb, then make a choice, and know that you have lots of other options available for you if that choice doesn’t pan out.

3) Tutors and curriculum: It’s obvious you are very very new to homeschooling. I say that because once you get involved in the homeschooling support groups, go to a couple conferences, subscribe to a few magazines, read a few books, and generally get some experience in the HSing world, you’re going to look around and say, “OMG, how can I possibly choose from everything there is to do???” and you’ll probably look back and laugh at yourself that you didn’t know how to get started with tutors/curriculum. Remember, there is NO rush to get started with these things except in your own mind. Wanting to have a handle on exactly who to follow, who to pay, and what path to take is like trying to hold on to the sand on the beach so as not to get swept away by the tide. It’s better to stand up and let the sand be there to make a sandcastle, not to save you. Tutors and curriculum are FINE. Use them, do them, but don’t let them be your master. Don’t rely on them to show you the way or to make you feel less panicky. They won’t. They will only be a baindaid for that fear. The fear doesn’t come from not having these things. Figure out where the fear is REALLY coming from, and the tutors/curriculum/classes and other concrete learning tools will be there for your enjoyment.

It’s totally normal to be hyper when you’re starting out something SO new, an interesting, and BIG, and fun, and scary, and all that. So, enjoy it. Sign up for everything, get really going. Then, when you feel yourself burning out, back out, do less stuff, and relax. Whether you start by relaxing or start by going into overdrive, you’re still doing a great job and learning about your role as a homeschooling parent.

In the end, there are only 3 things that matter for a child in today’s world of technology and global culture:

1) Relationships, relationships, relationships. This trumps everything. All the tutors and curriculum in the world cannot make up for relationship issues in the family. So, when making decisions, always choose to favor strengthening the relationship you have with your child.
2) Love and curiosity about the world. If a child has this, it doesn’t matter how much or what a child learns. A child who is in love with the world, and curious about it will succeed.
3) Knowing where information is. It’s not what you know, but who, where and when you know. If you know where to get info, that is a much more important skill than actually knowing things. In fact, knowing too many facts can give us the false impression that we don’t need to know any more. (This is part of why kids in school often don’t do a lot to study above and beyond what’s taught to them.) It’s important for people to know they don’t know everything, and that it’s not a life requirement to know it all. Having a strong grasp of available resources allows us to let go of feeling like we aren’t good enough because we don’t have all the president’s names and dates memorized like our cousin Sam does.

Good luck to you and enjoy your child. I hope you’ll come to the HSC conference. There you’ll find out more than you ever want or need to know about curriculum, tutors, and other things you can teach with. Until then, relax and enjoy your new life of freedom.

Fearless Homeschooling in Times of Stress

“We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of them.” - Epictetus, 1st century Greek philosopher.

When we think of fearlessness, we often think of daredevils like Evil Knievel or Derek Hersey; people who regularly, and intentionally, put themselves into dangerous situations either for fun or profit.

There are indeed people who like the thrill of danger, but that is not what everyday life fearlessness is about. The kind of fearlessness that we can have in homeschooling and in life, is an acceptance that life is naturally a series of events, some of them “good”, some “bad’, and that we are capable of dealing with the bad things that happen. With this kind of view of life and of homeschooling, we aren’t afraid of events because we are confident in ourselves to take effective and sensible views on these events. Fearlessness is a state of being comfortable with uncertainty, and a knowledge that nothing, no matter how horrible, can destroy us. And if it does destroy us, there is absolutely nothing we can do about it right now, except live the best we can.

It’s OK to be afraid once in a while. But what we are truly afraid of is not that bad things will happen. We KNOW bad things will happen. It’s the way the universe works. The pendulum between good and bad swings back and forth, and also changes as our views of the world changes. What we might consider “good” one day, will turn to be “bad” the next, simply because of changes in our own minds.

No, when we are afraid, we are not afraid of the events. We are afraid of our own lack of personal power to deal with those events. We are afraid of ourselves.

To be fearless, we have to be in a state where we trust ourselves, and we know that if we are presented with stressful events, we can deal with them. We don’t have to convince ourselves that everything will be OK, or that we can even fix anything. It’s a confidence of our own mind, that we have the mental capacity to let go when we need to, and act when we need to. As the saying goes, the only fear is of fear itself.

Becoming fearless is an internal process of self-understanding. It’s an internal process of self-like and self-appreciation. It’s also a process of losing our attachment to thinking that things outside ourselves define who we are.

Accept that:

- things will happen. It’s inevitable. And we won’t like some of those things. We will deal with it when it happens. We will make reasonable precautions to avoid certain kinds of things we don’t want, but sometimes, those precautions won’t work, and that’s just how it is. Having emotions and reactions to things that haven’t happened yet is detrimental to current lives.
- we are capable and smart individuals. Everything we need is inside us.
- we have friends and family who will support us. A huge step in becoming fearless is to create a strong structure of support.
- fear is a natural emotion. If we feel it, get comfortable with it. Accept it. Embrace it. Get to know it. We’re getting to know ourselves when we accept fear along with all the other emotions we have.
- we can’t handle everything. Most things aren’t our responsibility to deal with. If we feel like we are spinning our wheels, we probably are, and it’s time to get off the bike.
- if we mess up, it’s a learning experience, not the end. It’s only the end if we decide it is. It’s only “bad” if we look at failure that way.
- we have internal truths that only we have access to, and can never really be expressed. Other people’s judgments of us never change that. Other people can only distract us from those truths, and only if we let them.

Being fearless requires that we know ourselves, face ourselves, and most importantly, trust ourselves. When we are fearless, we accept fear, we accept that things fall apart, and we move ahead anyway. The more often we do this, the more often we fail and recover, fail and recover, the more we learn how to be successful. It’s when we fail, and then lose ourself in that failure that we get stuck in fear, and it becomes our master.

In Deschooling Gently: A Step by Step Guide to Fearless Homeschooling, I talk some about these concepts in relation to the ins and out of daily homeschooling life. But these precepts are also true about life in general. Once we are fearless in homeschooling, it starts to trickle out into everything else.

Pema Chodron has two books on fearlessness that changed the way I think about myself and about dealing with difficult emotions and events: When Things Fall Apart and The Places that Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times. I invite you to seek these out. They might even be at your local library.

What are you afraid of? What is keeping you from being a fearless homeschooler, a fearless parent, and a fearless person? If you consider yourself fairly fearless, was it always like that?

Stumble It!

Homeschool Teacher Training

Recently, I was in a conversation where a homeschooling mom wanted to start a homeschool teacher training program. (Scroll down to see a sample.)

When I first heard her intention, my immediate reaction was to think, “You’re barking up the wrong tree.” But then I realized, I lot of people would probably sign up for something like this. In fact, many of the new homeschooler’s I’ve talked to have asked questions about homeschooling that a homeschooling class would promise to answer.

Do homeschoolers need training? What are the benefits and the disadvantages to offering a class like this?

One of the first problems I see with a homeschool teacher training is how easy it would be to reinforce school-parent ideas in the home education setting. School teachers, or those with “a lot of experience teaching many kids” can offer such a class, and provide lots of solid, experienced-based advice…for the classroom. This kind of class can easily perpetrate the idea that homeschooling is, and should be, school at home.

Now, what if this class were taught in a completely different way? What if it was a more open-ended, self-discovery sort of course? Instead of being told what to think, the teacher helps the parents see how much freedom and flexibility they have in teaching their kids at home. In essence, it would be a class in deschooling. Is that an oxy-moron? Would it be possible to teach without teaching in a classroom setting?

The other problem with offering a teacher training course to new homeschoolers is that it just might catch on. I could see how easily it would become the de-facto expectation of all homeschoolers to take such a course. If that’s the case, isn’t that, again, buying into the very system that we left?

A teacher training course for new homeschoolers is a neat idea - to teachers. I say this, having been a teacher, that it does appeal to me in that, “I want to help people,” sort of way. But it’s not helping people to offer a homeschool teacher training course. It’s actually encouraging people to hang on to the apron strings and pull the school mentality of top-down education right into their own living rooms.

I’m not saying that school-at-home is bad, or that people who choose to use that method are not effective educators. (They are. I’ve seen it.) What I’m saying is that learning how to be a homeschooler is not taught. It’s not something we can take a class on. We can only become better educators to our children with experience and self-motivation. (This is also true of classroom educators, BTW.)

And here’s the truth - if we want to be better homeschoolers, everything we need to know is already easily available to us. There are no longer any gatekeepers to knowledge.

This is the biggest truth that new homeschoolers must learn - that our culture creates the illusion that we must be allowed into the grand library of information by a certified key-holder. By offering classes that “train” homeschoolers, we are perpetuating that myth. New homeschoolers have to go through their own growing pains to discover, on their own, that everything they could possibly want to know about how to be a better homeschooler is already available to them. Everything they want to know about motivation, management, school subjects, being successful, or anything else, is right there waiting to be discovered. No key required.

That said, here’s a free sample of my own version of homeschool teacher training. Feel free to add anything in the comments.

1. As your homeschool teacher training facilitator, I encourage you to question everything I say. Question every person who tells you how to homeschool. But also listen carefully, and let new ideas bounce around in your head. In the end it’s up to you to decide on what’s right, but you can’t make a wise choice on what’s right unless you are willing to listen to what people are saying. And you can’t make a wise choice if you take what the experts say as truth without question. (And, anyone who is insulted or angered by your questioning or doubt, take a big step back and find another source for information.)

2. Theory is important, but practice is more important. The best source of information on how to make decisions in your family are the members of your family. What might sound good in a book, or what might sound good coming from an experienced homeschooler, may or may not work for you. It’s not about what “should” work, but what “does” work.

3. Have a clear grasp of what’s important to you and your family. If you know what’s important to you, then all other decisions come a lot easier.

4. It’s not what you know, but who/where you know. Make it a priority to get informed on who knows the haps around town, and know where to get all kinds of information. Become your own door to the universal library of knowledge.

5. Relationships trump all. If I had to pick one thing that makes the biggest difference in homeschooling success, it would be the strength of our family relationships. If you got that, you’re set.

6. Check your ego at the door. When you’re homeschooling, it ain’t about you, folks. It’s about the kids. Deal with your own issues, come to terms with your own educational experiences, then move on. Don’t get confused between what’s best for the kids and your own educational or life hang-ups.

7. Find at least 10 different sources on how to teach children at home, and read them all. I can’t make you understand the importance of getting a diverse set of opinions on homeschooling. You can only see it once you do your own research.

8. Teach your children like this is your last day on earth. Or, teach them like it’s your first. Either way, it’s better than wasting our precious time because we’re obsessed with the future, or than teaching our kids as if we (parents/adults) have nothing left in this world to discover.

9. In the immortal words of Tom Cochrane, “Life is a highway, I’m gonna ride it, all night long….” Live life with your kids. Enjoy your time with them. Be in the “now”, and keep your head high as you gather more and more life experiences. You’re making memories with them.

What’s your number 10 to add to the unofficial, homeschool un-teacher untraining?

Songs by Geniuses Who Didn’t Belong in School

As we all know, school isn’t the best match for those who are highly creative. It’s no wonder, then, that many songs by talented artists express criticism of school. People of genius, and that includes musicians, don’t belong in school.

I was listening to some Paul Simon today, who is undoubtedly a musical genius, and heard this song, called Kodachrome.

Kodachrome - Words & music by Paul Simon

When I think back
On all the crap I learned in high school
It’s a wonder
I can think at all
And though my lack of edu—cation
Hasn’t hurt me none
I can read the writing on the wall

Kodachrome
They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the worlds a sunny day, oh yeah
I got a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph
So mama don’t take my kodachrome away

If you took all the girls I knew
When I was single
And brought them all together for one night
I know theyd never match
My sweet imagination
And everything looks worse in black and white

Kodachrome
They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the worlds a sunny day, oh yeah
I got a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph
So mama don’t take my kodachrome away

I wonder though, if kids of genius aren’t forced to go to school, where will they place their creative angst? And what would they write about? Perhaps geniuses need something to rebel against, to ignite that passionate spirit and to create amazing works of art? What do you think? Can a comfortable and happy genius still create inspired works of art?

Stumble It!

Anna Schwab - A Homeschool Success Story?

Although this was news back in December, I just heard about Anna Schwab, and her sister Sarah, who both attained perfect scores on the written portion of the SAT. They also received scores in the 97th percentile for the entire test.

Both girls studied at home for the past two years, using AP textbooks and online classes through Stanford.

Anna is 13. Sarah is 15.

So here are the details as I see them:

They both took the test at age 13.

They are both “profoundly gifted”.

They were in school up until two years ago.

Neither is going to college until they are 18.

Anna is going to a boarding school for the rest of her high school years.

I’m not so sure this is a homeschool success story. This is a story about two girls who were very smart, took two years off of school to focus on passing the SAT, then are going back to school. Is this really a homeschool success story? Is this really about homeschooling at all? Would these girls have been able to pass the SAT anyway, without homeschooling?

I admit, I don’t know their whole story. And I’m really happy for them, since they seem happy (and to me, that’s the most important thing anyway.)

Even though I’m not entirely convinced this is a homeschooling success story, I am thrilled to use this story as an example of how high school kids can learn about those “hard” subjects everyone is so worried about, without going to school. What these girls did at 13, high school kids can do at 16, 17, 18… It’s totally possible to homeschool through high school. I really don’t see why people are so worried about it. In fact, I’d say it’s easier to homeschool high school than it is to go to public high school, or to homeschool little ones. The hard part isn’t the schooling, it’s in maintaining long term positive relationships with our children. And that’s much easier to do when they are around to actually have a relationship with them.

Ok, enough about high school. Let’s get back to Anna Schwab. Is this a homeschool success story? Does two years out of school studying to pass the SATs count as a homeschool success story? Am I being too critical? What’s your opinion?

Top 10 Tips for Deschooling

Inspired by this great post at LifeLearningToday on the top 10 tips for Britney Spears and anyone feeling lost in life, I offer a parallel list.

Top 10 Tips for Deschooling

1. Slow down and let learning happen. Our culture encourages us to push our kids to learn faster, better, more. What if we said, “It may take a day, it may take a year, it may take 10, but they will eventually learn. We’re in no rush?”

2. Let go of our grip on fear. Fear is a natural emotion. It tells us things. But if we let fear control us, we don’t make wise decisions (or we don’t make any decisions at all). Feel the fear, explore why we have it, then walk right on by it and discover our own path to education.

3. Let go of the notion that making mandates on our kids’ learning means we’re good teachers. Good teachers are listeners, watchful, adaptive, curious, supportive, non-judgmental and accepting. Not controlling.

4. Create a circle of supportive people. Whenever we make a major life change, it’s important to have people around us who support our decisions and trust us. Create a group of supportive people around us by going out and supporting others and accepting them.

5. Seek out help, but don’t follow advice blindly. There is an infinite amount of literature out there about learning, homeschooling and parenting. Seek it out, learn and explore. But remember the final decision on which advice is appropriate is up to us individually.

6. Have a concrete understanding of why we want to homeschool. Create a list of positive reasons to homeschool. That list can remind us why we are putting so much effort into our new life when it seems like nothing is working. It can also help us refocus on what’s important so we don’t get lost in the details.

7. Find a mentor or someone to emulate. LifeLearning said find a life coach. I think that’s fine too, except, that there really aren’t any life coaches in the homeschooling community. (Would you use one if there was one?) Instead, we can find role models or mentors to help us on our way.

8. Take baby steps. Lasting change is easier to accomplish with small changes. Also, pick one thing at a time, instead of working on everything at once. Big changes and working on too many things is the psyche’s way of setting ourselves up for failure so that we don’t have to change, since it’s so easy to give up with such overwhelming self-imposed demands.

9. Exercise daily. Good advice for anyone.

10. Get involved with something outside of homeschooling. School is restrictive because it keeps kids insulated in the world of “education”. Get involved with things that have nothing to do with education, and teach kids what life really is about.

Got something to add? Any of these tips resonate with you?

Non-traditional Paths to a Career

I don’t usually think too hard about my kids’ getting into college or being prepared for a career. When the time comes, it’ll work out.

I am confident in this because of the realities of American opportunities, and because of knowing many people who have found success non-traditionally. In fact, I know very few people besides myself and my graduate school friends who took the traditional route to their success.

My dad, for example, dropped out of college to go into the military, and owned a business for 20 years. At age 50, he decided to sell his business and get his teaching credential.

He got his degree, taught for two years, then decided that wasn’t going to work, because he had to support his new wife and children. So, at age 54, he worked as a foreman for a large building company, without any prior experience in the field. At age 58, he decided it was too much physical labor and was too damn cold Colorado to be out in the snow every winter, and trained to be an AutoCad transcriber.

My dad is a great guy, and I love him. But he’s not a superman. He’s a normal guy who made the decision to follow his dream. And he could. Because this is America, and we have lots and lots of ways to reach our goals. (I have a lot of critiques of the US, but the opportunities here to pursue a new life are something I am greatly appreciative of.)

So, my kids. They won’t have any problem getting to where they want to go. They won’t be lost if they don’t do the A->Z trip that most kids take. In fact, they’ll probably have even more chance of success because they aren’t trapped by that path. They are growing up without rails, and therefore, without limits.

I was inspired to post this because I saw these two questions on AskMetafilter today which proves, once again, that success comes in many forms, and is always available to us.

Becoming a dentist at age 30 with no science training whatsoever.

Getting into grad school for economics with a 3.2 undergraduate GPA in architecture.