Friday Five – Places to Visit

What are your top five places to go as a homeschooling family?

This is our list!

1. Disneyland. Ok, this is corny, but we love Disneyland (and California Adventure). It’s free for us, since hubby works for the D. There is a lot to learn there too, and it’s got a ton of socialization opportunities (as well as opportunities to learn to stand in line).

2. Jumpin’ Jammin’. It’s an indoor playground, and oh so much more. We don’t go very often since it’s a bit expensive. But it’s one of our favorite local joints.

3. Around our block. We love taking walks. We like to go around the block, because it’s just long enough to get a good walk (and a good talk), but not so long that the kids are whining about it being too far. We also like to walk up to the bike path sometimes. It’s about a mile away.

4. Colorado. My dad lives in Colorado with his wife and three small children (those would be my 1/2 brothers and sister). We love to spend time with them. The kids also love playing in the snow. One of my favorite parts is the drive. It takes two days to get there. I love the view, and driving.

5. Barnes and Noble/Borders/Library. Anywhere with books, we love to hang out. Watch out if we have a gift card in our pocket!

Your turn! What are five of your favorite places?

One Homeschooler’s Socialization

This morning I told my children what our plans were for the day. Here is part of the conversation:

“Kids, we’re going to the museum. Our friends Joe and Sam will be there.”

“YAY!” they shouted. And all three of my children threw their arms in the air and hopped around.

“Also,” I added, “there’s going to be another family there. They have two kids. I don’t remember if the kids are your age, though.”

Cameron, who is 9 1/2, turned to me and said, “It doesn’t matter how old they are, Mom. We can still make friends.”

I smiled. I guess I still have some deschooling to do.

How Many Classes Is Enough for One Kid?

Next week, the M-F class schedule starts up again. This means, this Mom puts on her taxi driver hat.

We have cooking, science, crafts, pottery and games. Since our schedule is so busy, we’ve dropped gymnastics so we can have Wednesdays off to do field trips or do errands. Gymnastics was also our most expensive class, and we can certainly use a financial break.

But I struggled with the decision. First of all, this was the kids’ only class with physical activity. Which means I’ll have to make a special effort to get the kids out to play—especially my 9 year old who needs bigger and bigger spaces to get out his wiggles. Secondly, the gymnastics class is for homeschoolers. Not going to this class means I’m not supporting the small homeschooling class at this studio, and I’ll have to work a little harder to get the kids together with those homeschooling friends.

There are so many variables to balance, these kinds of decisions are not easy. At least not for me. I tend to think about every possible result of every possible choice, throwing myself into a perpetual state of the grass is greener.

Fortunately, life took over and made the decision for me—I was late to pay for gymnastics. Instead of paying the late fee, I decided to take some time away from the class.

I guess deep down, I knew exactly which choice I wanted to make. I chose a day of nothing to balance all the days of busy during the rest of the week, albeit unconsciously.

How many classes is enough for one kid? Right now, the answer is “3″. And that’s the answer that’s going to have to do for the time being, because we can’t afford the money or the time to do any more. Besides, there are too many other things to do in the world to spend our time in classes all day everyday.

Intellectual Jam Session – That’s What Homeschooling Can Be, You Know

I have a (relatively) new post up at LifeWithoutSchool. Cuz, you know, to us, homeschooling is an intellectual jam session.

Homeschoolers Miss Out and Homeschooling Stress

I made a book-length comment on the Transforming Life Center blog today, so I thought I’d post it over here too. Are you stressed or missing out? What do you think about my “over-achiever” comment? Also, if you comment on the blog, be nice. Thanks

I’m a homeschooler and I think you bring up some really good points. These are points that parents do need to consider, no matter which educational option they choose – are my children’s needs being met?

Unfortunately, there are parents in all realms who don’t think about this. And when parents don’t think about it, in any educational setting, the kids lose. Even in public school.

So, the questions are valid, but they are valid not just for homeschoolers, but for everyone.

Here are some comments on your concerns:

Parents being haggard: In my experience, I’ve seen far more haggard parents whose children go to public school than those that homeschool. In my own family experience, we’re rarely haggard. A few of my friends are stressed out homeschoolers. But it’s more their personality than the homeschooling thing. My stressed out friends are generally overachievers.

You asked about preparedness for life: Well, that’s actually one of the reasons we decided to homeschool. Because we get to actually live life, instead of prepare for it. Why do we ask our kids to spend 13 or more years to “prepare” for life, when they could spend their time actually living it? It seems to me that the best way to be ready for something is to already be doing it. So, for the example of our schedules and order… well, to be honest, there is definitely a certain kind of order and scheduling in adult life, but rarely does it look like school. It varies depending on what kind of life we lead. And what we want to do. Following school schedules doesn’t prepare us for anything except following school schedules. And even that, sometimes, it doesn’t do very well. I remember how hard it was to get up for my college courses, and I was a very good little school student. Suddenly, when the iron hand wasn’t there to scare the bejeebus out of me for not going to school on time, I suddenly found it difficult to get up. Yet, when I had a job that I loved, I had no problem getting up at all way earlier than school ever asked me to. What did school teach me about getting my behind out of bed in the morning? Not much. That’s why I don’t worry about homeschoolers who don’t have schedules. They may not do what we think is “right”, but they get along. Just like we all do.

And about missing out on things: I love this one because, so many times in my life I’ve had to make a decision that required me to “miss out”. What happens in life is that no matter what decision we make, we miss out on something. Homeschoolers get to do a lot of things that school kids miss out on. We have picnics at the park for lunch, go to Disneyland on a whim (and nobody is there, so we get to talk to the bored cast members who tell us all the inside scoop), we go on road trips off season, we hang with friends for hours and hours, we get to do volunteer work that others can’t because they are in school, the kids don’t get exposed to as many illnesses (like lice), when they get sick they can take as long as they need to get better (and don’t get behind in work), they have time to read for hours on end and read as many books as they like, they aren’t rushed, they can be who they are and not have to be pressured into dressing a certain way or being beautiful… the list goes on and on. Yes, homeschool kids DO miss out on things. I agree with you 100% on that. I sometimes get sad that my kids won’t experience some of the really good things I experienced in school. Then I see just how many good experiences they are having that are things I never experienced. They are leading a different life than I knew, but they are all very happy with their lives. They have full, interesting and fulfilling lives. So, even if they are missing out, they aren’t at a disadvantage. It’s like this – People who grow up in a small town are missing out on big city things. People who grow up in a big city, miss out on small town things. Neither are inherently better. But both are “missing out.” When all these people get to be adults, they can recover some of the things they thought they missed. But whichever path they take, they are gonna be OK. It all works out in the end.

There are some loud homeschoolers who claim that everyone should homeschool. But, you know, there are also loud public school activists who say the same thing. It’s all about not being able to see the big picture. And there will always be people out there who can’t. Ignore them. Most homeschoolers don’t believe that it’s the right and only way to live. And don’t confuse enthusiasm with trying to convert the world. Sometimes, people who tout homeschooling awesomeness are just expressing their happiness of having found a new amazing thing. Kind of like how people will encourage their friends to try a new restaurant.

So, I don’t think there’s really a debate on homeschooling/public school. I more see it as an inability for most people to see beyond their own personal world, and are trying to defend it. In my opinion, they both good, in their own way.

5 Homeschooling Secrets

One of the best things about homeschooling stereotypes is that they keep our secrets. On the one hand, it’s frustrating when non-homeschoolers criticize this educational option. On the other, it’s a blessing in disguise: if they only knew these secrets, we’d have a nation-wide educational epidemic on our hands, with families falling left and right out of our school systems! Our society as we know it would collapse!

Thank goodness people don’t know our homeschooling secrets. Just in case you wondering what they are, and you want to be in on it, here’s what we homeschoolers aren’t telling you:

1) Homeschooling moms/parents/families have a LOT of free time. We have so much free time, that we are able to fill that time with our own personal projects, go places, visit friends, and balance our busy lives with rest and relaxation. Our time is ours, to do as we see fit. We don’t have to overextend ourselves and be super-families. And, even if we are doing the same amount of school work and the same number of classes as a non-homeschooling family, we STILL have tons of free time. We aren’t rushed and we don’t have to squeeze in family time.

2) Homeschooling is hyper-ultra-super efficient. I won’t even explain this one. Let me just say, that the time in active learning/amount learned is an amazing ratio.

3) Homeschoolers have a lot of fun. I mean a LOT. If you are a homeschooler that hasn’t been told this secret, consider yourself informed. Homeschooling is a fun and exhilirating and an exciting opportunity to take control of our lives and be our authentic selves. People who are their authentic selves have a great time in life. Homeschoolers are, overall, the most authentic people you’ll meet.

4) Homeschoolers are THE people to ask about what’s going on around town. If you aren’t a homeschooler, and you want to know about guitar teachers or the free museum days or anything – ask a homeschooler. They’ll either know, or they’ll know where to find the info. Homeschoolers are informed and have their pulse on the community. The whole socialization thing is a front to keep this secret from being public knowledge.

5) Fill in your secret here. What should be #5?

Pioneers Again

The Country Fair has been revitalized. And somehow, I managed to squeeze in three posts! Two from this blog, and one from LWoS.

The topic is diversity. Our country is about as divided as it’s ever been; religiously, politically and culturally. We saw this same division in the homeschooling community long before it became apparent on the national scale.

Homeschoolers are pioneers in many ways. We are willing to try things nobody else is. We are willing to stand up and say “this isn’t working” while the rest of the educational world keeps trying to rehash the same procedures and processes hoping for different results. But we were also the ones who first tried on the religious and political division, voluntarily creating our own “sides” within our small population. Like-minds sticking together with like-minds.

This carnival of diversity is the perfect example of how we can take steps to reverse that, and be pioneers in bringing the many sides together in one place. By saying “this isn’t working” and doing the footwork necessary to weaken the divisions aren’t good for any of us. Can we be the pioneers in coming together and celebrating the many facets of our country, and learn from each other’s vast differences with grace? I think we can. If anyone can make change, it’s homeschoolers.

So, visit the 7th Country Fair. Read stuff by people other than me. (If you’re reading this, you’ve already seen the stuff I’ve posted there.) And let’s enjoy the diversity of our community – because without diversity, we’re not really free.

Enjoy!

I Love Homeschooling Support Groups…But…

Some kids (and parents) have a hard time finding a good local homeschooling support group. Or, there are plenty to choose from, but it’s hard to get to know the people in the group because they already have long-standing friendships.

Park day and homeschool support groups are just one of the many outlets where homeschoolers can meet people and make friends. It’s potentially a good place, but like any group of people in any gathering, there is a “culture”, and it takes a while to get into that culture. And it takes a while to know whether that culture is a good fit. And to be honest, sometimes, it’s not.

There’s no law saying that in order to be “involved” in a support group, one has to be super social and know everyone. For many families, the support group is a tool, an avenue, for finding a few friends to hang with, and once that’s established, they don’t have much large-group involvement. Other families find support groups to be helpful for arranging field trips, or working out class-exchanges. Or some families, after trying a few events, find that the group doesn’t really work for them. Not finding a homeschooling support group can sometimes feel like there’s no way for kids (or parents) to make friends.

But, there are so many other ways to meet people in the world, that relying solely on the homeschooling community to provide a “pool” of potential friends is limiting. It can be done, and be quite satisfying, just like using a school community as a main pool of friends to choose from can be satisfying. But there are, oh, so many other ways out there.

There are community classes, mommy and me classes for the little ones, volunteering, networking through existing friends, meeting people at the park or other places that are frequent hangouts. Of course, there are also religious and spiritual centers, local events and just getting out and talking to people in the neighborhood.

My kids and I have met most of our friends through soccer, hubby’s work, online groups and games, at the park and through classes, in our neighborhood…I’d say that only a small percentage of our close friends are homeschoolers.

Our friends are mostly public and private school kids. Purely because there are more of them out there. The world-wide potential friend pool is mostly made up of public and private school kids. But we have also made friends at the homeschool group too, because we go on some of the field trips and hang at some of the park days.

No matter where our kids “go to school”, I think it’s important – and more fun! – to dip into MANY social pools to find friends. In my opinion, any social pool that has people with similar interests is a good one. Homeschooling is only ONE of our many interests. So we make friends based on other interests too. And that gives a nice variety of social outlets. Also, if one social pool dries up (or for some reason it not longer exists or doesn’t work for us), we have many other ones we’re already involved in.

Some people need to have that one, or two, really close friends, and not much else. Some people need to have lots of friends and social contact. Most people are somewhere in the middle. Whatever the level of personal contact people need on a daily basis, the ability to know how to make friends, and where to find people to make friends with, is a great skill to know – a skill that homeschoolers have incredible flexibility to learn.

Are Homeschoolers Selfish?

Anti-homeschooling perspective #5,439: Homeschoolers are selfish for not letting their kids go to school.

My thoughts on this: I think in some ways, our whole lives are one long series of selfish decisions. Everyone’s. We make decisions based on what? What’s best for us and our families. From where we live to what we eat to the jobs we take to who we pick as our friends.

School is no different. The vast majority of parents send their kids to public school because, that’s just how it is. And, lucky for them, it provides babysitting so they can work. It’s the choice that makes the most sense for whatever reason. But no matter how we educate our kids, it’s a “selfish” choice.

Nobody sends their kids to public school because it’s good for society or because they want their children to be martyrs. (Oh please say I’m right about this.) People send their kids to public school for selfish reasons. People send their kids to private school for selfish reasons. People do the same for homeschooling. And what is that selfish reason – it’s because it’s the best choice for that family. They don’t take into account what’s best for everyone else’s kids – only what’s best for them.

In that way, homeschooling, heck any kind of schooling, is selfish. And that, is a good thing. Because it means that the family is making the best decision for them and their needs. That’s what the kids deserve. That’s how we allow people to be successful in their lives, by making choices that best fit their needs.

I have a feeling though, since I’ve argued this point with others many times before, that the “homeschoolers are selfish” perspective is trying to convey the idea that homeschooling parents are making the decision to homeschool without considering their children’s needs. Well, I suppose there are probably some parents out there who do this, but would argue that very few do. That even though we may not agree with *why* they think homeschooling is best for their children, they do have their children’s best interests at heart, and make the decision to homeschool (by sacrificing a lot of their own lives, I must add), in order to provide what they think is the absolute best way to provide a good life and future prospects for their kids.

Homeschooling is not for everyone, but for the people who choose homeschooling, it’s a great choice. For the people who don’t choose it, it is obviously, from their perspective, not the best choice. And that’s that.

Just as I, as a homeschooler, am better off understanding that each family has their own reasons to decide to send their kids to public school (and are probably better off for it in a lot of ways), people who are/were public schooled should also do better by seeing how homeschooling can be a good choice for the families who choose it.

I’m sure my kids would do well in school. They are adaptable kids (that’s part of what we’re teaching them BTW). But here’s the thing – there’s nothing that PS can give us that we don’t already have. And if that’s the case, what is the point of sending them to school where we’d have to add a lot of stress to our lives, and live our lives according to the public school world? It doesn’t make sense. It would be like moving to a new city because people say it’s the best place to live, even though we’re perfectly happy where we are now.

I know there’s lots of good in PS. But, we’re really happy where we are now. Why fix what’s not broke? There’s a lot of good things in NY, but we live in Cali. Does that mean we’ve made a selfish decision not to live in NY? Our kids will never know what it’s like to live there.

In the end, I don’t really care if the whole damn world thinks I’m being selfish. That’s an opinion. Not fact. It’s a cultural perspective, not based on evidence. I know the truth. The truth is that our decisions are based on many things that most people don’t really want to know. Or talk about. And rightly so – it doesn’t apply to their lives.

So, I take comments like that with a grain of salt.

I just wish, that it was really true what they say about public school kids – that they are more tolerant because of their “exposure to different kinds of people”. But the truth is, that school doesn’t make people more tolerant. If it did, then all the people who went to public school, and all the kids there now, would try to understand homeschooling and alternative ideas of education. Instead, people hang on to the idea that it’s public school or bust. (And I have to admit that there are homeschooled kids/families who are in opposite camp as well.) Only their experience and perspective is the right way. If public school was so crucial to teaching people to accept others who are different, then this blog entry wouldn’t have been written.

I think that the best thing right now is to have choice. And to look at all possible educational choices as potentially valid. And the goal isn’t to try and say one choice is better than the other, but to help individuals find the best fit for them. If that’s being selfish, then so be it. It’s the more effective way. Regardless of whether people like it or not.

Is Preschool Good for Social Skills?

What’s the number one rationale for sending kids to preschool? It’s good for their social skills, they say.

I find it really interesting how many people say that preschool age children “need to learn social skills”. First of all, what kind of social skills to children this young need to learn that they can’t learn from their parents? Secondly, how is it that children learn social skills better from other children who are still learning social skills, than from their parents – who I assume already have social skills?

Very young children do indeed enjoy being around other young children. But, they also enjoy being around older children and adults, and pretty much anyone who will play with them. Kids who are around kids of all ages from birth, don’t learn age prejudice.

There have also been studies showing that children in preschool are more prone to aggressive behavior (see sources). All this talk about how preschool (and school in general) is “good for teaching social skills” is a state of mind, not an actual fact. It stems from the idea that if you stick somone in a room with a lot of other people, over and over, they will learn how to get along with other people. When in fact, the absolute best determinant whether a person learns to ‘get along with others’ stems from whether they have consistant role models and are psychologically/emotionally adjusted.

If preschool and school teach social skills, then why is it that so many kids get into fights? And hurt each other? And grow up to be adults who can’t get along with other people? The true ability to get along with others, and be compassionate and kind and loving, is determined by closeness of family and role models.

Preschool is not universally good or bad for kids. For some kids, they like it and it works for them. But for many others, it doesn’t work. The problem isn’t with preschool, it’s with the idea that preschool fixes something, or changes something in the young child. But in reality, a parent’s role is to *nurture* the natural being of a child’s personality. And for some children, their parents aren’t able to provide that at home, and so preschool is the only place they can have a positive role model and be allowed to be who they are. But for most children, their parents, older siblings and other older people provide far more opportunity to learn how to get along with others than what a preschool can provide.

Now, as for the whole “teaching them” thing. I find that, unless a parent has the absolute inability (or is unwilling) to teach their child the basics (like colors, letters, numbers, language, etc.) then yes, preschool is a good place for little ones to get the exposure they need to be able to express their natural desire to learn. But the vast majority of children in preschool are not learning any more than they would at home, and in fact, they are learning not only their colors, but that their self worth and whether they are “smart” or “good” depends on whether they know their colors better, faster and sooner than the other kids in their class.

Kids at preschool learn very early to compare themselves to others. And that can be helpful in school, but in the long term, has a negative effect on the psyche.

Overall, preschool is a good solution in SOME cases, but instead of becoming a tool to help when a home situation isn’t working out, it has become an expectation. As an expectation, it is rare for people to think *critically* about what preschool does and doesn’t do.

Preschool, ultimately, is for parents, not kids. If preschool didn’t exist, who would lose out? Parents. Because parents would 1) have less time for themselves. 2) Be responsible for providing a rich learning environment 3) Have to be a parent full-time and not be much else. Kids, they would be just fine without preschool. They were before preschool existed, and they would be today. But parents, it would be very hard for them to give up preschool. That’s why it’s so popular. Although, this reality is hidden behind the “it’s good for kids” argument, which really has no real weight, except that’s what everyone wants to believe.

Links for you to find out more on your own:

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?fi…
http://www.umich.edu/~urecord/9293/sep08…
http://ed.stanford.edu/suse/faculty/disp…
http://www.universalpreschool.com…