Elizabeth Edwards Is Kinda Sorta Homeschooling, But It’s Working.

The Huffington Post (online political publication?) interviewed Elizabeth Edwards about her homeschooling experience.

This article certainly will not help the debate on whether or not she’s “really” homeschooling. And it does not make it clear whether her experience as a self-described homeschooler will effect their political stance one way or the other about homeschooling. However, there are a few interesting things I noticed about the article.

1) If I had to guess, I’d say that the interviewer, Christine Escobar is a homeschooler. If she’s not a homeschooler, she knows the homeschooling community somehow. She asked the questions many of us would want to know the answer to. She asked about deschooling (although, the way she framed it was a bit odd.)

2) Christine asked about universal preschool. Good going Christine. I’m not saying I’m in love with Elizabeth Edwards’ answer. But I don’t hate it either. She’s got a point that there are many kids who do not have access to quality education, but misses the mark about the possibility of it becoming mandatory is hyperbolic. It’s simply our track record - school starts out optional, offered to make sure all kids have it available, and it becomes mandatory later because of momentum. There is certainly a push here in California to make K mandatory, even though making it mandatory would benefit very few children (and a lot of people who work in education, of course).

3) I also found it interesting that a man who is campaigning to LEAD OUR COUNTRY, and his wife, feel that they are unable to adequately homeschool. They really should join a support group. Maybe even need an intervention.

4) This interview doesn’t sway me either way about his candidacy. When I first heard they were going to homeschool, I thought it might be a teeny weeny way that homeschooling could be seen in a positive light by democrats, who tend to shy away from any kind of non-highly-regulated form of alternative education. But nope, not really. It’s clear that they are pumping public school whys and hows into their own life, so it’s not exactly alternative. It’s only alternative in that they can do their work faster and with a tutor.

If anything, their experience in their own version of homeschooling will end up helping the kiddos who go to public school (if he’s elected) (which I highly doubt) (not because I don’t like him or anything, but he’s so far under the radar compared to the other democratic hopefuls). Their experience, I don’t think, won’t do anything to benefit the homeschooling community. On the flip side, it won’t hurt it either. (I know, some people worry that it will make the dems even more determined to make homeschooling regulated and all that. I don’t buy it.)

On the personal level, I’m glad to see the Edwards are happy. On a political level, I just wish they would go to a homeschooling conference, and not speak in front a group, but participate. Wear shades and a wig if they have to. Infiltrate our secret congregations, and get to know us (preferably an inclusive one). Now, THAT, no matter what their takeaway is from that, would impress the hell out of me.

My Children Teach Me About Change

One of the great advantages of homeschooling has been our ability to change what we’re doing based on how our children have changed.

My middle daughter, who is now six, has a mind of her own. She’s stubborn, knows what she wants (and what she doesn’t), and incredibly smart. What this means - she hasn’t easily gone along what with what she’s told without a really good explanation on why she should comply. She also says “why” a lot.

But here’s the thing - she is changing. At four, five, and even early six, I tried to sign her up for classes, offer her piano lessons, do all the things we offered her older brother at the same age, and more. We tried everything we could, but she just wasn’t interested.

Not interested in classes, not interested in workbooks, not interested in puzzles or chapter books or any of the things our older one gobbled up.

I resigned myself to letting her define her own reality, and go in her own way. She was (and is) still so young. She has time to ease into life.

Well, these past few weeks, she’s suddenly taken an interest in writing (something she would avoid, in particular the letters g, r and s, and the number 9), she’s been reading day and night and she’s voluntarily taking yoga, ice skating and art.

This is not the daughter who lived in our house even six months ago. She’s changing, growing, becoming more comfortable in her skin. Problems that she might have had before with responding to authority, going along with the group, doing schoolwork, writing are irrelevant now. We can stop on a dime and change course because now she’s ready.

There’s room for this in schools too of course, but it takes longer. It also takes longer to shake a stigma that’s been applied due to past behavior. In compulsory school,  it’s difficult to live down past behavior and create a new image of one’s self, and to find ways to meet new needs that develop from change.

This can happen with past achievements as well.

If one of our children is doing really “well” in a subject, then suddenly slows down significantly in that area, or becomes turned off even by it - we can take a break, change gears or just, slow down. There is no continued pressure of an “advanced” class, or any risk of disappointing a teacher.

Homeschooling is infinitely flexible. The kids can accelerate at an amazing speed, then, back off and work on something else, or even, change. Change focus, change abilities, change purpose, change anything - and it’s OK. We’re not locked into any one track, or a school year with expectations. A child who is struggling with reading, for example.. and suddenly “gets it”, everything clicks, he can go right along and zoom forward, as far as he wants. He doesn’t have to wait to be transfered to a more advanced class, ask for special work from the teacher or hang out in a class that is no longer appropriate. A child who has zoomed through book after book, and has “proven” he knows how to read books grades ahead, then suddenly wants to just hang there for a while, and keep reading at that level for a little while, while working on other skills, can do so, knowing that whenever he’s ready, he can pick up where he left off, and push ahead some more later.

Kids change, people change, and it’s OK. And sometimes, these changes happen literally overnight. Especially in very young children who are learning so much, so fast. It’s akin to how children have growing spurts, and grow an inch overnight. Then, for months don’t grow at all. Just like we can get the kids new clothes as soon as they need them, in homeschooling, we can accommodate a developmental growing spurt in the same way.

The struggles we used to have with our middle one, are almost all but gone. And the fears and worries we had when she was little seem so far away. The same worries we used to go around and around about - what do we do about her not listening to teachers? what do we do about her closing up? what do we do about her not having any interest in in anything to do with the workbooks we all enjoy so much?

Waiting. And accommodating. And giving love, support and trust. That’s what we did. And it worked. By not trying to “fix” her, she’s maturing on her own. And I love the girl she’s growing into. She’s going to do great things in her life. I have always felt that way. But seeing how she’s changing - how all the kids are changing - I am more confident in saying it, because I know it’s true.

Math Fear

“My daughter is afraid of math,” my friend told me. Her daughter is 5.

I said to her, “What in the hell is there to be afraid of at age 5?”

Something is seriously wrong with how she’s being “taught” math if she’s already afraid.

So my friend told me she was thinking of hiring a tutor for her. A TUTOR for a 5 year old. To teach a 5 year old how to add 2+3.

5 year old math concepts should be invisible. Some kids like formal math at age 5, but not all kids do. But no matter how the material is presented to a five year old, it shouldn’t even be in their vocabulary to say they are afraid.

There’s so many things that could be freaking her out. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s being graded and judged at how she’s learning math. Or perhaps she prefers to think about those early math concepts, and she doesn’t want to have to prove to anyone that she knows it. Or, perhaps she understands it just fine, but when she’s asked to talk about it in front of someone, she becomes too aware of the fact that she’s supposed to be learning something, that it blocks her ability to actually learn. Or perhaps it’s because she is being made to do worksheets that she are either too hard, too easy, or just plain dumb in her mind, and saying she’s afraid of math, is her way of saying that math worksheets suck.

Math fear at algebra or calculus, ok, I can understand it. But at age 5? Come on. This child is bright, and lively and bubbly. I told my neighbor, “If she’s afraid of math, take this seriously. This is an early sign that something is not right. And it has nothing to do with your child. It has everything to do with how she’s being taught.”

Then I handed her a book by John Holt, and a book about learning styles.

Math fear at age 5. Makes me want to cry.

Three Year Old Learning to Read

My three year old is curious about reading.

There are two possible reactions I could have to this:

1) See it as a sign to get out the phonics readers. To jump on this opportunity to start teaching her the ins and outs of reading.

2) To answer her questions, keep reading to her, and allowing her understanding of reading unfold on its own.

I’m choosing number 2.

Today, we were reading a book. She would point to words and ask what is said. I told her. Over and over we did this. She would guess the word, I would say what the word really said.

At one point, she insisted that the word “bear” said “goodnight”. So I said, “Ok.” and left it at that. There was no reason at all to correct her. She would soon enough forget about that word. She doesn’t know enough about how letters work to know why it’s wrong, and she was obviously enjoying the story told in her own words. Go for it sistah. Read your book your way, and I’ll read it mine. No worries. It doesn’t bother me one bit.

I know, that if I allow my daughter’s interest in words and books flourish at its own pace, she will continue to learn to read. And eventually, she’ll be off like the other two, reading books on her own.

Is It Easier for Children to Learn Than Adults?

Short answer: no.

It is not “easier to learn when you are young”. People learn when they are excited about the things that they want to learn.

Young children learn a lot, but they learn a lot of basics. They need these things to function. They are excited about the world and want to know as much as they can. They are open to anything.

As people get older, their understanding of the world becomes more concrete, and more abstract. The things that people learn when they are older, are far more complicated, so it takes longer. But, they aren’t less able to learn.

Here’s what actually can be a hindrance to learning:

1) Maturity. If your brain is not yet ready to learn the material, either because it has not yet developed (people’s brains develop well into their 20’s) or it is still trying to work on other things before moving to the new thing, then it will be hard to learn that new thing. When your brain is ready, it will be easy to learn. For example, learning to talk. Or to walk. Or to do complicated statistical analysis. You can’t make a 1 year old talk no matter how hard you try. Their brains aren’t ready.
2) Self-esteem. If you think you’re dumb, or unable to do something, it will hinder learning
3) Interest. If you don’t have the interest, it will hinder learning
4) Meaning. If the thing you are learning doesn’t have meaning in your life, it will be a hindrance
5) The way it’s presented. If the thing you are learning is being presented in a way that doesn’t jive with your learning style, it can be a hindrance
6) Expectations. If you are taught that things are THIS WAY and you accept that, when faced with new data and new evidence, the “there is a right answer” way of thinking can be a hindrance to learning.
7) Not wanting to be wrong. If you never want to be wrong, or are afraid of being wrong, it is a hindrance to learning. Supportive people in life. Not having people in your life who support you as a person is a hindrance to learning.
9) School. Thinking that school, classrooms and academics is the only way to learn, is a hindrance to learning.
10) Self-reliance. If you are unable to identify and take care of your own needs, it will be a hindrance to your learning.

Age is, and isn’t, a hindrance to learning. It just depends on what age has brought. Has it brought wisdom and openness, or has it brought rigidness and insecurity?

Is Preschool Good for Social Skills?

What’s the number one rationale for sending kids to preschool? It’s good for their social skills, they say.

I find it really interesting how many people say that preschool age children “need to learn social skills”. First of all, what kind of social skills to children this young need to learn that they can’t learn from their parents? Secondly, how is it that children learn social skills better from other children who are still learning social skills, than from their parents - who I assume already have social skills?

Very young children do indeed enjoy being around other young children. But, they also enjoy being around older children and adults, and pretty much anyone who will play with them. Kids who are around kids of all ages from birth, don’t learn age prejudice.

There have also been studies showing that children in preschool are more prone to aggressive behavior (see sources). All this talk about how preschool (and school in general) is “good for teaching social skills” is a state of mind, not an actual fact. It stems from the idea that if you stick somone in a room with a lot of other people, over and over, they will learn how to get along with other people. When in fact, the absolute best determinant whether a person learns to ‘get along with others’ stems from whether they have consistant role models and are psychologically/emotionally adjusted.

If preschool and school teach social skills, then why is it that so many kids get into fights? And hurt each other? And grow up to be adults who can’t get along with other people? The true ability to get along with others, and be compassionate and kind and loving, is determined by closeness of family and role models.

Preschool is not universally good or bad for kids. For some kids, they like it and it works for them. But for many others, it doesn’t work. The problem isn’t with preschool, it’s with the idea that preschool fixes something, or changes something in the young child. But in reality, a parent’s role is to *nurture* the natural being of a child’s personality. And for some children, their parents aren’t able to provide that at home, and so preschool is the only place they can have a positive role model and be allowed to be who they are. But for most children, their parents, older siblings and other older people provide far more opportunity to learn how to get along with others than what a preschool can provide.

Now, as for the whole “teaching them” thing. I find that, unless a parent has the absolute inability (or is unwilling) to teach their child the basics (like colors, letters, numbers, language, etc.) then yes, preschool is a good place for little ones to get the exposure they need to be able to express their natural desire to learn. But the vast majority of children in preschool are not learning any more than they would at home, and in fact, they are learning not only their colors, but that their self worth and whether they are “smart” or “good” depends on whether they know their colors better, faster and sooner than the other kids in their class.

Kids at preschool learn very early to compare themselves to others. And that can be helpful in school, but in the long term, has a negative effect on the psyche.

Overall, preschool is a good solution in SOME cases, but instead of becoming a tool to help when a home situation isn’t working out, it has become an expectation. As an expectation, it is rare for people to think *critically* about what preschool does and doesn’t do.

Preschool, ultimately, is for parents, not kids. If preschool didn’t exist, who would lose out? Parents. Because parents would 1) have less time for themselves. 2) Be responsible for providing a rich learning environment 3) Have to be a parent full-time and not be much else. Kids, they would be just fine without preschool. They were before preschool existed, and they would be today. But parents, it would be very hard for them to give up preschool. That’s why it’s so popular. Although, this reality is hidden behind the “it’s good for kids” argument, which really has no real weight, except that’s what everyone wants to believe.

Links for you to find out more on your own:

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?fi…
http://www.umich.edu/~urecord/9293/sep08…
http://ed.stanford.edu/suse/faculty/disp…
http://www.universalpreschool.com…

Socialization in Young Homeschool Children

What does it mean when a young child says, “I don’t want to play with you.” And what do we do? Should we make kids play with kids that they don’t like to teach them how to get along with each other? What do we do when kids are mean to each other?

As adults, we don’t go to every play date we’re invited to, every party, every luncheon. We pick the things we want to do with whom we want to (usually Children have the same desire to be around people that make them feel good, don’t frustrate them and have common interests.

But, little kids see things in black and white. So, it’s hard to for them express social graces when they don’t want to play with someone. It usually comes out as kind of mean or just “I don’t want to play with you.” - the honest truth.

It’s important to teach them when it’s ok to have special time with close friends, and when it’s important to let everyone play. Then give them words to use so that nobody’s feelings are hurt. I think that’s how homeschooling little ones is so wonderful. We can see the situation as it unfolds and give language to the children to help them deal with it.

For example, if kids are excluding a kid from playing tag at the park, we would respond in different manners depending on why the kids are excluding the child and the words/actions they use to do it. If they are excluding them because they don’t know them, we would react one way. If they did it because he was being rough, punching, using fowl
language, and he just wouldn’t let up after being asked not to, then we would react different way.

If two girls at park day are sitting together playing house or something, and a third comes up to play, we would be able to respond appropriately, and help the girls respond according to the situation and the desire of the kids. We can be there to judge the reactions of all the children, and give them words to help them describe their feelings without hurting the other person.

But, in a situation where there are two teachers and ten kids, I could see how that would be quite difficult to do, and having a rule like “you can’t say you can’t play” would make things easier to manage when the adults weren’t able to see how things unraveled. In homeschooling, we don’t have to have strict black and white social rules, just like in real life. Kids learn the subtleties of the rules by not having to blindly follow a rule set in place to keep order.

Parents use appropriate words and tone, so as not to leav echildren feeling excluded or unwanted - and that’s what we are teaching our kids how to do—learn how to take each individual social situation and make an assessment about what to do to avoid hurting people’s feelings while still being able to speak up for themselves about their own social desires and preferences.

Stressing About Preschool

A new homeschooling mom writes about educating her four-year-old and two-year-old children. “I love the computer and work on it alot,so I thought maybe the computer was the way to go, but still dont know if it the right way,or if I should go with a set curriculum,I feel like I need something that is structured so that I get it done,and they arent waiting for mom to figure out what it is I am doing?”

This was my response to her. Anyone who is homeschooling a preschooler, this is for you:

Ok, I’m going to be straight up with you. You ready? Here it goes:

The only reason you are stressing is because you have some kind of
expectation of what “schooling” is supposed to be. Drop your
expectations, and let it happen. Voila - instant stress-be-gone.

You’re kids are 4 and 2. There is NO reason you should be stressing
about what they are learning. They will learn no matter what you do.
If all you did was play in the mud, read stories and throw around a
ball, everyday, for a year, your kids will learn. And they will learn
a lot.

There is no need for you to plan anything. No need for your kids to
expect anything from you other than you being their mom and giving
them food, shelter, safety and love. There is no need for you to know
what you are doing. None.

Give me one reason why you need a curriculum, or any plan at all? Oh
ya, so you can “get it done”. Get what done? Being a mom? Listening
to your kids? Responding to their learning needs? Listening to them
trying to count to 10?What are you trying to get done that you can’t
do without a curriculum?

If your kids were 12 or 14, or 17, I might be singing a different
tune, but let me just say that four year olds only “need” artificial
structure because we tell them they need it. I would even argue that
it’s the adults that need the structure, and need to keep the kids
under their careful watch, not that the kids really need it.

Still reading after that last doozy? Awesome! Here’s the deal -
little kids need rhythm. They want to know what’s next, what to
expect and what’s for dinner. That doesn’t mean we have to have it
planned, or that we have to formalize our activities. That means that
we get up in the morning, do our thing and go along in a way that
makes sense - mostly revolving around meals and sleep, with play in
between.

What about learning to read!? What about math? and counting?

They learn that through play. Play with them and they will learn.
Talk to them and they will ask questions. Be open to their needs and
respond to them, and they will be confident in themselves, and in
you. A child’s confidence will not come from whether or not you have
a curriculum.

So, buy books that look FUN. Buy supplies that look like your kids
(and you) will enjoy them. Buy books and curriculum in the same
*exact* way you buy toys. When you walk into Toys R Us, do you feel
overwhelmed? Do you feel like you HAVE to buy your kid something to
play with? Think of “school” books in the same way as you think of
your kids’ toys. Go in knowing you don’t have to buy *anything*,
because you know your kids will learn even if all you had was a stick
and some sand. Do this, and choosing your stuff won’t be so stressful.

The computer is fun for kids, but at 4 and 2, it certainly is not
what they should be doing for their main learning. The vast majority
of their learning comes from just being in the world. Recognizing
letters, counting and other stuff they do on the computer is very low
on the list of what they absolutely need right now. If they want it,
and they crave it, they’ll ask for it. Not by saying, “mommy teach me
letters.” But by being curious about letters, by asking questions, by
talking about them.

Let me restate that your job as a homeschooler to a 4 and 2 year old
is NOT to formally teach them to read, or to do math or about social
studies. Your job is to be with your kids as they explore the world -
in whatever way works for them - with no expectations of what they
should know or how they should learn. This is the time to get to know
your kids, not hold their shoulders and point them in a direction.
When you support your kids by understanding them, you *will* be
teaching them pre-reading skills and math, because it’s important to
YOU, and because it’s important to THEM. They will demand it from
you, one way or another, if they are ready for the info.

Even if you think I’m full of it, I hope that this helps you realize
that stressing about what curriculum to get for a four year old is
crazy-making. Rather than buy books on how to teach your 4 year old
to be a math genius, buy books on How To Talk So Kids Will Listen,
and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk, or books on learning styles and
parenting. And certainly don’t buy any curriculum-type books/software/
gadgets at ALL until you can go into a teacher store, or check out a
education website and feel *excited*, not stressed.

You’re gonna get it. Give it time. And space. Step away. And breathe.