5 Incredible and Unique Benefits of Homeschooling

This list of 54 Unique Benefit of Homeschooling is going around our homeschool lists. I think in this case “unique” means “different than the other things on the list”. As I was reading it, I came up with some “unique” benefits that are “different than what most people see on lists of why it’s good to homeschool.”

5 Incredible and Unique Benefits of Homeschooling

1. Freedom to enjoy the process. Pressure is everywhere to be smarter, faster, earn more money, get independent, grow up, win, win, win. There is a perpetual push to strive for what we’re going to have tomorrow, and the sooner the better, because it’s tomorrow that will finally bring us happiness. That is total and complete baloney on Wonder bread. Homeschoolers can discover the joy that comes from not being in a huge rush to attain a goal, and be comfortable in the process. Life is a process. Getting the goal isn’t the good part, it’s the experience of working towards it that is exhilarating.

2. Freedom to fail. Homeschoolers can fail over and over without the stress of having to report those failures to a assessor. Real learning comes from having the freedom to fail, then getting back up to try again. And many times, these failures need to happen at our own pace, without the constant scrutiny of an expert, or someone more experiences. Our schools abhore failure. There is no time to fail. If a child fails once, that puts him behind. Where is there time to really learn if a child doesn’t have the room to fail over and over? Homeschooling gives children the freedom (and the parents too), to take their time to fail. And not to define themselves by these failures, but to see them as steps towards growth and understanding. When a child is considered “smart” because she never fails, I challenge you to look close at the child’s behavior and see how often she’s willing to take real risks. Homeschoolers don’t have to be in a rush to win, so they can risk all they want, and be free to fail all they want. Homeschoolers never fall behind when there is no push to constantly be successful.

3. Freedom to be comfortable. Homeschoolers can work where they want, when they want, in the clothes they want, with the tools they want, with the people they want. They can eat, sleep, talk, read, write, draw, listen to music, and watch TV when they want. They can wear make up or not. They can dye their hair any color, go barefoot, wear T-shirts that say whatever they want. Basically, being a homeschooler means freedom to be physically and psychologically comfortable.

4. Learning to be personally accountable. One of the reasons school is such an appealing prospect, is that when we send our children to traditional school, we give up a huge part of our own personal accountability. We are giving the responsibility to the teachers to impart their wisdom on our children, giving the teachers the responsibility to know what they need to learn, and giving teachers the role of having to be accountable if something doesn’t work. That’s what the schools want us to do, and parents are happy to do this. It is liberating. Unfortunately, the kids learn to do this too. They give up their own personal accountability because school is all about what is assigned to them. Just as parents give up their role as directors of their children’s education, children give up their role as directors of their own education. The children who make an effort to stay in control of their own learning are considered rebels and trouble makers. Homeschool children have the opportunity, if so given by the parents, to learn to be personally accountable for their own lives and learning. The more practice that have with this as they grow up, the more likely they are going to be personally accountable and responsible adults. And that’s not to mean that they will be good little workers, like our society wants our school children to be. It means that these children don’t wait to be told what to think or to learn. They take initiative to learn what they need to because they have learned that nobody is going to hand their lives to them on a plate. They can serve themselves. This is not an innate benefit of homeschooling. This is an opportunity that homeschoolers can choose to have.

5. Learning how to deal with emotions. How many of us have memories of being humiliated, embarrassed, angry, helpless, stressed, or lonely during school? It’s a common myth that homeschooling is supposed to keep kids from feeling these things. Or that it’s to protect them from all the bad that comes with childhood. Homeschooled children feel the same emotions during their childhood. They have similar experiences arguing with friends, being disappointed, being upset, humiliated, and all these things. The difference is that kids in school have to learn to deal with these emotions by huddling together with other kids their own age, who have no idea either how to deal with them. It’s the lucky few who have adults in their lives who they can confide in totally, and learn to deal with those emotions on a regular basis. Homeschooling offers that. It is normal state of affairs that if a homeschool child has a strong emotion, they head straight for an adult for help. The adult, who, in most cases, has a much stronger grasp on emotions, can help them deal with them. Homeschooling offers the opportunity for children to fully feel these emotions often. Emotions are tough to learn to deal with for any child. It’s part of maturing. Just as adults who have trouble dealing with their own emotions can’t learn from unstable friends, kids can’t learn from other kids how to be mature. Kids and adults learn from those who are more evolved, compassionate, in control of themselves, and have learned from their experiences. Homeschooled kids have access to that kind of emotional strength on a 24/7 basis. And because of that, they have the opportunity to learn to deal with their emotions in a gradual way, by fully experiencing them, and then having a safe place to recover from them.

Can you think of anything to add? Have you seen any benefits that don’t get talked about much?

Songs by Geniuses Who Didn’t Belong in School

As we all know, school isn’t the best match for those who are highly creative. It’s no wonder, then, that many songs by talented artists express criticism of school. People of genius, and that includes musicians, don’t belong in school.

I was listening to some Paul Simon today, who is undoubtedly a musical genius, and heard this song, called Kodachrome.

Kodachrome - Words & music by Paul Simon

When I think back
On all the crap I learned in high school
It’s a wonder
I can think at all
And though my lack of edu—cation
Hasn’t hurt me none
I can read the writing on the wall

Kodachrome
They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the worlds a sunny day, oh yeah
I got a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph
So mama don’t take my kodachrome away

If you took all the girls I knew
When I was single
And brought them all together for one night
I know theyd never match
My sweet imagination
And everything looks worse in black and white

Kodachrome
They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the worlds a sunny day, oh yeah
I got a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph
So mama don’t take my kodachrome away

I wonder though, if kids of genius aren’t forced to go to school, where will they place their creative angst? And what would they write about? Perhaps geniuses need something to rebel against, to ignite that passionate spirit and to create amazing works of art? What do you think? Can a comfortable and happy genius still create inspired works of art?

Stumble It!

Just Enough School, Just Enough Life

I found a sister blog today, HavingEnough. She’s a mom and a writer. She’s not a homeschooler (although she’s considering it), she brings up universal ideas of having and doing “enough”. I was happily surprised by how similar our messages are, just in different context.

Here are some gems:

“More is essentially good. Except when it’s already enough.”

and in another post she says…

“I know I can’t avoid it all, but I can at least try to find educational settings where there is an awareness of these issues and a true desire to lessen their impact. What I can do: not overschedule her (I’m already boycotting all the baby classes!), not give into the consumer crazies, be aware, not push her to “achieve,” but rather show a love of learning for its own sake in our home. Still, it takes a village and all that.”

Is it Possible to Have Too Many Books?

My mom is here today. I asked her what she wanted to do with the kids. She said, “Let’s go to the bookstore.”

How can I say ‘no’?

Even though I have 10 unread books on my night stand, 3 on my worktable, 10 or so on my desk and unknown amount of books in my bookshelf. That of course, doesn’t count the ones I have already read stacked around the house.

I cannot go to a bookstore without buying something. I can’t go to the library without checking something out.

And unfortunately, my kids inherited my addiction. I don’t even want to talk about their bookshelves and library stack.

So what do you think? Is it possible to have too many books? Should I go to Book Buyers Anonymous?

Right Brained or Left Brained?

Check out this spinning lady. Which way is she spinning? Can you make her switch direction? Is one direction easier to see than the other?

She mostly spins clockwise for me. But she flips back and forth. I can make her spin both directions pretty easily. For some reason, that makes me happy.

I showed my husband the spinning lady and asked him, “What do you see?” He said, “A naked lady. She’s naked.”

So, I guess there’s left-brained, right-brained and male. I didn’t realize there were 3 categories! <BEG>

When Life Throws You Stuff, What Do You Do?

In the past three days, many life things have been thrown at me.

I have to be honest in saying that I’m not all that well trained in dealing with the unexpected. I get sweaty palms, heart flutters, rapid breathing and other signs of a huge rush of adrenaline. Generic fight or flight response.

One of the things that I tend to do when I get stressed, is I PLAN.

So last night, I was WIDE AWAKE with all the stuff in my life bouncing around the inside of my skull. I finally broke down and made a plan. A detailed, hour by hour, exactly what I’m going to do to get everything done, plan.

Once I made that plan, it felt SO good, I fell right asleep and I had the best night sleep in weeks. One would even say I slept through the night!

Did I stick to my plan today? Actually, pretty close, yes.

However, I was thrown a loop today. And now, I have several more things to deal with. And I’m starting to feel that fight or flight response. My response? Do research on the internet!

It’s about control. When I’m feel overwhelmed, panicked or stressed - I do things to feel in control. Plan, research, get people’s opinion. In some cases, it really does solve my problem. But mostly, it just makes me feel better.

On the one hand, I know this. Kind of like I know that drinking coffee makes me shake, yet there are some mornings that I just can’t figure out how I’m going to open my eyes without drinking some. So I go ahead and use my coping mechanisms.

I can plan like this for a couple of days, to feel in control. But after that, it starts to burn me out, and I have to let go. The hyperplanning is a coping strategy. It’s not a new way of life. It’s a way to get my thoughts all together in one place, so they don’t have to swim around in my head anymore. It makes me feel like I’m doing something.

If I had to hyperplan like this everyday, it would wear me down to a nub of a person. And I’ve seen it happen to me before - when I was a student, and when I was a teacher.

Eventually, I had a choice - to keep hyperplanning and lose my humanity and my sanity, or to let some things go, only planning what absolutely had to be planned or my job would be at stake, or my kids would revolt, and letting the universe take care of the rest.

My two-day hour by hour schedule is sitting on my dresser. It soothes me. And I’m pretty close to schedule. But I’ve learned that I can only handle that kind of strict schedule for a few days before I need to relax and find balance again.

I’ve seen my son do this. He and I are a lot alike. We both get hyper, we’re logically oriented, and linear. We also both like to be in control. We both *like* making lists. When we start a project, often time the first thing we do is make a list of what we need and what steps needs to be done. So I’ve seen him schedule out his days - both as a way to express this passion, and as a way to organize his life.

But it’s not something he does all the time. Nor does he thrive on a strict schedule every day. Just sometimes. We both sometimes like to have our day over-the-top scheduled. Sometimes. Usually when we are stressed, or hyper. That doesn’t mean we need it everyday. In fact, too much scheduling makes us both lose our minds, and we start to turn off, get aggravated and disassociated with our projects.

Life is like a wave - sometimes we need freedom, sometimes we need control, and we waiver back and forth.

So, what about you? How do you react when life throws stuff at you?

Time Is the Best Teacher

Stephanie over at LifeWithoutSchool talks about how time has helped her understand her children - and to let go of comparisons.

She says, “In many ways, I am lucky to have a child who did not learn like he was “supposed” to.”

I am lucky like Stephanie. Times 3.

Time is a great teacher. So is having a child who doesn’t adhere to our adult and cultural idea of what time should be.

Perfectionism Is Not a Flaw

I’d like to write about perfectionism from a place of experience - my 6 year old daughter is a perfectionist. I used to be too. In fact, I still am, but being that I’m an adult, I don’t cry anymore. (Well, not as often, anyway.) I use other coping mechanisms. In the end, perfectionism is perfectionism.

First, I want to say that nothing is wrong with being a perfectionist. It’s a personality trait. And instead of looking at it like something’s wrong, think of it as something to work with, and to expect.

My daughter didn’t let me know she could read until she was able to do it with confidence. She doesn’t like to do classes or join groups that are doing things she’s hasn’t mastered already. She needs to watch for a while, have a chance to try it herself when nobody is looking, and maybe, later, she might participate. She also won’t write something if she thinks it’ll be wrong. She doesn’t like me pointing out when she’s done something wrong. She doesn’t like to make mistakes in front of people.

I was the same way as a kid. School didn’t help me one bit, BTW. Probably made it worse, because I got praise when I was perfect, and was told I wasn’t living up to my potential when I wasn’t. But there’s also an expectation to perform in school. And that was where I had a horrible time - I had to perform on things that I wasn’t perfect at. The memories I have of humiliation make me very understanding of how my daughter feels when she can’t be perfect in front of others.

What I’ve done for my daughter is to let her be her. If she doesn’t want to write because she can’t do it, I try to find another way she can express herself. Someone mentioned art, and it’s interesting - Allison loves art. I think indeed it is because there is no right way to be artistic. She doesn’t have to be perfect at it. Although, even with art, she does sometimes get really upset that her dog doesn’t look anything like a dog, or the dog she wanted to draw.

Letting her be, and letting her do the kind of work that she is comfortable with, has given her a lot of chances to feel good about herself, and to let her perfectionism shine through without being criticized for who she is. I don’t judge the value of her work on whether it’s perfect or not. But she is obviously happy when she can do something without being coerced into it. So I give her lots of support when she’s done something that she’s proud of. And when she makes mistakes, I don’t make a big deal about it.

For a while, she refused to write the number 9 or the letter P. She couldn’t remember which one went which way, so she wouldn’t do it. When she was doing a project or a workbook or something, and needed to write a 9 or P, she would ask me to do it, and so I did. If I didn’t, she would get upset, and either stop the project, or do the project crying. It’s more important to me that she feel good about her project. So I helped her.

Now, she’s almost 7, and she writes her 9’s and P’s about 50% of the time. She’ll even guess and write them backwards. When I point out they are backwards, she’ll change them without really thinking about it much. Or she’ll ask me to write it for her. No biggie. It’s really no biggie. And if I truly believe that, it rubs off on her. She’s starting to see that the pressure is coming from inside, not mommy. Gives her more of a perspective of how to manage.

I didn’t learn to manage my perfectionism until I was out of school, and realized that I had a choice. I still prefer perfect results, and I’m an overachiever for that reason. But after having time out of school, away from the external pressure to be perfect, and being an adult, able to see the difference between the two, I was able to figure out coping mechanisms that give me the satisfaction of being a perfectionist, while learning to be OK with my mistakes.

At 6, kids are still really little. They have lots of time to learn to write. And if she’s a perfectionist, she probably will want to wait until she’s figured it out before practicing and doing it in front of others. My daughter did that with reading, writing, math, gymnastics, pretty much everything so far - she will wait and wait until the time is right, and then on her own terms, she’ll come out doing what I thought she was neglecting all along. She wasn’t neglecting learning how to read or write or do a forward roll - she was waiting until she was ready.

I have learned to let my daughter go at her own pace. My main focus with her isn’t to teach her to read or to write or anything in specific - but to have a good relationship with herself and with the world around her. She’s so damn smart, that she won’t have any problem learning anything she sets her mind to. She’s shown me that. My job is to help her understand herself, accept herself and be comfortable in her skin. To accept her, love her and show her things in a way that lets her discover but not have to perform.

Working with who she is, is the easiest thing. It’s what I wanted when I was a kid, and it’s what finally got me through when I was an adult - to have found someone who was willing to say, “how you are is OK.” I hate being pressured into doing things I’m not comfortable with. It’s easy to persuade me to do things, even if I don’t want to, because even though I’m a perfectionist, I’m also a people-pleaser. That’s a hard combination to be. (Allison isn’t, thank goodness). What that meant as a kid, was that I was pressured into doing something (really often, heck, I was in school), and then I felt compelled to do it perfectly, even though I really didn’t want to do it. So I convinced myself I wanted to do it, and when it wasn’t perfect, hated myself for it - and the cycle went around and around. I’ve learned, as an adult, now to stand up for myself, and say “no” when I’m not comfortable, and when it’s something I know I can’t do. I still struggle with my perfectionism. It’s a life-management thing.

Another aspect of perfectionism is not wanting to disappoint others. Or one’s self. For my almost 7 year old daughter, the key is to find a way that she can get the thing done without disappointing herself. Distraction and redirection have helped with that.

My son came up with a GREAT way for my daughter to cope with 9’s. He said, “All you have to do is turn the paper upside down and write a 6. That makes it a 9.”

Perfectionists are wonderful kids to have because they make us look at the big picture, and stop being so darned focussed on the little things. It’s the big picture - relationships, many paths to success and being comfortable with who we are - those are the important things. If we got those, we can work it out. We can find our way. My perfectionist daughter taught me that. So did my crazy, “I’ll try anything at all, because I have no fear and no idea how dangerous this is” son and daughter. They taught me that all these personality differences and quirks and things that seem so annoying aren’t the important things. They are distractions from what’s real and important - being OK with who we are and playing with the cards we’ve been dealt. Every hand can win, it’s all a matter of what rules we play by.

Is It Worth It to Argue?

Ok, there are two blog posts I’m sitting on right now, not sure if I should post them.

One is a response to a particularly acidic blog post about how homeschooling isn’t working because her crying kids aren’t doing what she is asking them to, and is bitter that homeschooling isn’t a “honeymoon”.

The second is a question about unschooling and how could it possibly ever work and what the hell are these poor unschooled kids going to do when they “finally” are faced with the reality of having to do something other than play.

My question to myself - should I let it go? Or go ahead and answer?

It’s Talk Like a Pirate Day, so I’ll avaste and arrgh myself through the day today, while thinking about this.

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Cussing and the Tooth Fairy

I’ve been thinking recently about cussing.

You know, those four letter words that when our kids say them, our eyes cross? Those words that our friendless kids use with abandon and then have to apologize because they forget that they are within little-earshot?

Well, I kind of like cuss words. The right place, and the right time, they can really pack a punch.

I don’t like when someone’s vocab is the same word again and again, and that includes cuss words. (It also includes “like” and “you know” BTW.) Since I am a word-oriented person, I notice it when people use the same words again and again. And again. And again. It bugs me. (My issue, I know, not trying to change anyone.) (I’m also guilty myself. Yes, I do kick myself for it.)

But a well-placed cuss word, oh man, it can really hit the spot.

So how do the kids play into this? Well, to them, the words “stupid” and “hate” are bad words.  They hardly know what the real bad words are.

Or do they?

We were watching a show the other day where the main character started cussing up a storm! The funny part was that it was all bleeped out. Bleepity, bleep, bleep, bleep. My son and I were in stitches.

After it was over, Cameron (who is 9, and homeschooled. You know, not surrounded by kids who play with cuss words?) said to no one in particular, “I know what they were saying.”

My son? Knew what they were saying?

You know, I don’t give my son enough credit. He knows a LOT of things I don’t know he knows. And he’s OK with not having to let me know he knows. He happily knows these things and moves on. This is my child who processes everything externally (or so I thought!) And he knows all about the cuss words. Cuz he just knows. (Ok, how many times did I say “know” in that paragraph?)

Our kids know so much. And it’s OK if we don’t know every single detail of what goes on in their heads. When the time is right, what’s in there will shine through. We don’t have to dig with a spoon in their brain to find out if their neurons are working.
Oh, BTW, apparently, my son also knows about the tooth fairy. I was getting nervous about the moment I’d have to comfort my son that the tooth fairy wasn’t real. And he already knew. And it was no big deal. He had figured it out. And it was what it was.

I really don’t give him enough credit. I need a kick in the pants to trust my son more.