Homeschoolers Miss Out and Homeschooling Stress

I made a book-length comment on the Transforming Life Center blog today, so I thought I’d post it over here too. Are you stressed or missing out? What do you think about my “over-achiever” comment? Also, if you comment on the blog, be nice. Thanks

I’m a homeschooler and I think you bring up some really good points. These are points that parents do need to consider, no matter which educational option they choose – are my children’s needs being met?

Unfortunately, there are parents in all realms who don’t think about this. And when parents don’t think about it, in any educational setting, the kids lose. Even in public school.

So, the questions are valid, but they are valid not just for homeschoolers, but for everyone.

Here are some comments on your concerns:

Parents being haggard: In my experience, I’ve seen far more haggard parents whose children go to public school than those that homeschool. In my own family experience, we’re rarely haggard. A few of my friends are stressed out homeschoolers. But it’s more their personality than the homeschooling thing. My stressed out friends are generally overachievers.

You asked about preparedness for life: Well, that’s actually one of the reasons we decided to homeschool. Because we get to actually live life, instead of prepare for it. Why do we ask our kids to spend 13 or more years to “prepare” for life, when they could spend their time actually living it? It seems to me that the best way to be ready for something is to already be doing it. So, for the example of our schedules and order… well, to be honest, there is definitely a certain kind of order and scheduling in adult life, but rarely does it look like school. It varies depending on what kind of life we lead. And what we want to do. Following school schedules doesn’t prepare us for anything except following school schedules. And even that, sometimes, it doesn’t do very well. I remember how hard it was to get up for my college courses, and I was a very good little school student. Suddenly, when the iron hand wasn’t there to scare the bejeebus out of me for not going to school on time, I suddenly found it difficult to get up. Yet, when I had a job that I loved, I had no problem getting up at all way earlier than school ever asked me to. What did school teach me about getting my behind out of bed in the morning? Not much. That’s why I don’t worry about homeschoolers who don’t have schedules. They may not do what we think is “right”, but they get along. Just like we all do.

And about missing out on things: I love this one because, so many times in my life I’ve had to make a decision that required me to “miss out”. What happens in life is that no matter what decision we make, we miss out on something. Homeschoolers get to do a lot of things that school kids miss out on. We have picnics at the park for lunch, go to Disneyland on a whim (and nobody is there, so we get to talk to the bored cast members who tell us all the inside scoop), we go on road trips off season, we hang with friends for hours and hours, we get to do volunteer work that others can’t because they are in school, the kids don’t get exposed to as many illnesses (like lice), when they get sick they can take as long as they need to get better (and don’t get behind in work), they have time to read for hours on end and read as many books as they like, they aren’t rushed, they can be who they are and not have to be pressured into dressing a certain way or being beautiful… the list goes on and on. Yes, homeschool kids DO miss out on things. I agree with you 100% on that. I sometimes get sad that my kids won’t experience some of the really good things I experienced in school. Then I see just how many good experiences they are having that are things I never experienced. They are leading a different life than I knew, but they are all very happy with their lives. They have full, interesting and fulfilling lives. So, even if they are missing out, they aren’t at a disadvantage. It’s like this – People who grow up in a small town are missing out on big city things. People who grow up in a big city, miss out on small town things. Neither are inherently better. But both are “missing out.” When all these people get to be adults, they can recover some of the things they thought they missed. But whichever path they take, they are gonna be OK. It all works out in the end.

There are some loud homeschoolers who claim that everyone should homeschool. But, you know, there are also loud public school activists who say the same thing. It’s all about not being able to see the big picture. And there will always be people out there who can’t. Ignore them. Most homeschoolers don’t believe that it’s the right and only way to live. And don’t confuse enthusiasm with trying to convert the world. Sometimes, people who tout homeschooling awesomeness are just expressing their happiness of having found a new amazing thing. Kind of like how people will encourage their friends to try a new restaurant.

So, I don’t think there’s really a debate on homeschooling/public school. I more see it as an inability for most people to see beyond their own personal world, and are trying to defend it. In my opinion, they both good, in their own way.